It’s a Monday evening in the last week of February. Winter has returned after a surprisingly mild January and snow lies upon the ground outside. It is 11pm and I am trying to decided if I want to go to bed, light a fire, or just continue doing homework. I have passed the halfway point of winter term and there are only about three weeks left. It has been a tough term and I am looking forward to completing it with as good grades as I can manage.
We have been back from Las Vegas for a week now. We spent all last week with the flu, which we no doubt picked up on the flight. We are feeling better now but still have nasty coughs.
We had an emotionally trying weekend. My 17 year old nephew bought his first car. He doesn’t have a license yet but he now has the car he has always wanted: Mitsubishi Eclipse. It is a manual which he is only learning to drive. I feel panicked that he will kill himself, or wreck the car, or just make a bad decision. Is this normal?
Tonight my brother and his wife took us out for dinner for our ninth anniversary. My other brother’s family were able to join us as well, so there were nine of us. (I wonder if nine people to celebrate a ninth anniv. spells good luck? Let’s hope so). Anyway, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. At some point I look around the table and realize it is the first time we have been together as a family since dad’s funeral. And it is the first time we have ever gotten together as a family without dad. Tears came to my eyes as I realized how much he would’ve wanted to be there. The saddest thing of all? We had more fun without him. He was never very easy to be around and didn’t know how to put people at ease. He was always the patriarch and would make demands and try to preside over every get-together–resulting in the annoyance of everyone present. I hope, no matter where he is–heaven, awaiting reincarnation, or awaiting resurrection–life is better for him. He spent his whole life stumbling over his own personality.
Which brings me to another interesting subject. While my dad was alive I tried to figure out what his personality profile was, according to Myers-Briggs typology. I couldn’t even begin to do it because I was too close. While we were in Vegas, I was visiting a friend who made the assumption that my dad was an intuitive. I agreed with her without reserve. I knew it without even thinking about it. Of course he was. And you know what else? I think he was probably the same personality type as me: INTP. Except I have learned to leaven my personality foibles to function better in society–mostly. Dad was accuracy to the core! That’s what always got him in trouble with the spiritual leaders in his church. He couldn’t be a team-player if that meant compromising accuracy. So after going head-to-head with a few of them too many times, he was demoted. They called him arrogant but it had nothing to do with arrogance. He went to his deathbed never feeling good enough for his God. What a way to go, and what a loving god to spend ones life serving.
Going back to Las Vegas, while visiting my friend I met someone staying with her who knows how to do astrological profiling. I thought it sounded interesting and have always wanted to know more about it, so I paid him some money and had him do my profile. He took down my date and time of birth then proceeded to spend hours working on the process. I never realized how involved the whole thing was. He laid out my life from the spring of 2008 to the end of 2011. He knew nothing about me but my birthday. After spending a while working on my profile he asked me what I did for a living, for he perceived that I did something with my hands and was very good at it. I told him I was a massage therapist. Then he said, “You have been through some heavy shit in the last few years haven’t you?” He said I am going through a period of my life called when Pluto Squares Pluto. He said this typically only happens once in someones life and it means total life adjustments. This time period can last years because he said everything in the zodiac is slow moving. My PSP began in the spring of 2008. He asked me what happened at that time. That was when we decided to run away from this town we were living in that we hated. So this began the process of change for me.
Here is some additional information regarding the transit Pluto squares Pluto:
“In general this planet is also called the great transformer. Or the shadow part of you. It is a symbol for many different things. It breaks down structures, removes the old to make room for the new. It could entail drastic changes, inner turmoil, anything to do with dreams, fears, or leftovers from our past…It could be an intense time where emotions get out that you have not noticed before. It is hard to ignore that something out of the ordinary is happening to you. The messages that you get can hardly go by unnoticed. The solution to Pluto square Pluto, and anything else that seems to ‘oppose’ you and the life you are living is to look it in the eye! Deal with it, don’t avoid it. It is a time to reconnect with your inner being, the not so visible you, the you that is not so much in the mind but in the unconscious part of you.” (http://radiantwoman.wordpress.com)
Basically, because I was born in 1972 my transition period came right on time in 2008. That is when I really began to feel dissatisfaction with the direction of my life until then. I didn’t even believe in the zodiac, nor did I know anything about it. This was the first time I had ever heard of Pluto squaring anything. Yet, I had been living it for the last three years. Adam, the one doing my astrological profile, went on to tell me every major step I had made over the last few years. Of course, he didn’t know what I did literally, but he would say, “You went through some dark shit in the spring of 2009, what was going on then?” So I would think back and tell him. I can tell you I went through the darkest period of my life in the spring of 2009 (see www.forsakingrestraint.com).
Am I coming out of the darkness? Yes, I think I am. I am still in for some changes in the next year, but I think I have made the most painful changes (I hope) and it should all be downhill from here. I guess we shall see what this coming August/September bring. Was the profiling worth it? Yes, it explained a lot, and it helped to realize that sometimes life straps us into a car on a roller coaster and the best we can do is hold on. Do I believe in fate or predestination? No, we all have choices, but isn’t it nice when life takes a cattle goad and pokes us in the rear when we’re too obtuse to make the needed changes on our own.
Have you ever gone through something like this?